Things Kids Say

"Chloe, who's in mommy's magazine?"
"LADY GAGA! LADY GAGA! LADY GAGAAAAA!"

"I want to be a dentist! An animal dentist!"

"I like teeth!"

"Are you going to give me candy? What's that? Is it candy? What's THAT? Is it. . .candy?"

"Are you going to be good today Bobby?"
"Are you going to give me something?"
(Those are some fine parenting skillz ya got there)

"My nose itches, will you scratch my nose?"

"These are vampire frogs and they will bite you!"

"Is that a pterodactyl? Those are my favorite!"

"No mothering allowed!"

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On a sidenote:

So you know that sound that submarines always make in movies underwater when the crew is looking at the radar for incoming enemy missiles? The high pitched one, that echoes throughout the ocean? I'm totally hearing that sound emanating from some part of my house. Maybe there is an enemy destroyer in my basement. I'm confused. . .

Dear Annoying Person at the Gym,

Please stop doing those push-ups where you drop down to the floor from a standing position and then on every push you raise your entire upper body off the floor. It shakes the floor where I, and many others, am trying to stretch and do curl-ups. I know you are listening to your 'let's-punch-things' music and can't hear me, but I know you can see the Looks of Death I am sending your way. I would appreciate it if you would cut it out.

Thanks,

Everyone else at the gym

Notes from the Snowed Inn

I recently finished reading Wetlands by Charlotte Roche. It was difficult to read and took me a while to get through because I had to keep putting it down.

Wetlands is about ideas like feminine sexuality and scaring nice people with sordid descriptions of things that are sort of taboo - like bodily liquids, female masturbation, and sex. It's a sort of memoir written from the perspective of an 18 year old girl, Helen, who is in the hospital. She is in there for an operation and decides that she will use her stay as a means to get her divorced parents back together. Throughout the novel, Helen goes into much detail about a lot of things that would probably be considered disgusting in polite society, such as her sexual experiences, descriptions of her personal hygiene and bodily excretions. While reading it, I had to keep asking myself exactly what was disturbing about the descriptions. Was it because these are concepts that are not usually addressed? Or that they are somehow not 'allowed'? It's not like everyday you hear conversations about 'smegma' (look it up!) and other body fluids.

At the back of my copy, there is a short interview given by the author to a magazine and in it, she is talking about describing disgusting things. She comments that if you examine something long enough, it ceases to become disgusting. Maybe that is what she is trying to accomplish through her descriptive writing. If we analyze the disgusting enough, we can think about it without having to feel like we need to wash our brains.

And why are these things so disgusting anyway? The author points out that there are a lot of words and phrases for men's sexual parts/actions, but not so for women. She had to invent terms for the story. Why are women's bodies and all they things they are capable of hidden? Why should it be disgusting?

This book was a worldwide bestseller in March of 2008. It was translated from the German. Read this book.

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I went to bake cookies just now and there was no vanilla. Where did it go?? The last time I remember baking cookies was a few months ago and I remember there being a bottle of it then. Did someone drink it? That's like the fourth bottle of vanilla I've bought and only used like a teaspoon or five of before having to buy a new one. F this. I'm starting my own stash.


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This Weekend I Will. . .

-Finally finish reading "Die Kleine Hexe". It's a children's chapter book and yet I have taken over 2 YEARS to get through it because I keep putting it down and forgetting about it

-Build an igloo with my roommate. Or at least attempt it. If the hearsay is accurate and we get al the very least 24 inches, then I believe I will have enough building material. And it's not like I'm going anywhere in this town, anyway.

-Bake cookies. Snow and cookies complement each other so well.

-Start reading "The Savage Detectives". This was recommended to me by a friend and I'm gonna see how it goes.

-Watch movies that I have been meaning to watch. Like 17 Again. Ha ha ha ha!

-Take a hike through the snow. This should be an excellent workout since I am assuming that I won't be able to get out of my driveway.

-Shovel snow. Obviously.

-Play these concertos/sonatas/whatever I have been meaning to work on. I have an entire book of Telemann pieces that I have gone through and marked which ones I really like and want to master, but I never seem to have sufficient time to work on them.


We will see how this goes. . .